SEX.

Huh... there's no post yet on my abstinence from sex(and similar things) and relationships... K, let's fix this.


I'll look at sex first. There are a couple exceptions: if I am with someone I love in a lasting way, or I feel like I can help someone by doing it- in more than just a temporary way. However, these exceptions are very unlikely. Now, the why. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with sex with people you don't love or something, I don't even believe in inherent morality. It's not because I don't have the urge to either, my body is actually quite annoying about it (thinking about getting my balls removed or something, it's a fucking nuisance and I'm afraid of making a mistake). The real reasons are pride, fear, and a desire to be trusted.

Pride because I see the shit that happens around sex, "players", disrespect and deceit. Disposable relationships, using someone to get in their pants. Rape. Even people I otherwise respect, when it comes to sex it's a whole 'nother game. Which means I can't be satisfied with just a bit of distance between me and them, I want there to be ZERO chance I could ever be confused with that. A perfectly clean history, having never had sex, at least suggests I've never done any of that shit before, and keeps my pride intact. The only insult I actually react to is "Pervert".

Fear because sex is a wonderful focal point for misunderstanding and miscommunication, and having sex with anyone I don't value romantically runs the risk that they somehow do and that I will hurt them. And goddamnit, I REALLY don't like hurting people.

Wanting to be trusted is the most important point, and is closely linked with my pride reasoning. Because bad shit happens with sex, a lot of people have had bad experiences with it. I don't really know how to help, I NEVER know how to help. But, I want to. And for that to happen, they need to trust me. To know that I AM NOT like whoever they've had bad experiences with, that I AM NOT a GUY, but a PERSON; a FRIEND. Proof that perhaps everyone isn't just pretending, that there are at least exceptions.

I guess that's good for sex.

Relationships are much simpler. Well, in the past I had different reasons. Now, it's because I know love, cannot be with and am unworthy of who I love, and anyone else would be a mere replacement unless I come to love another. In which case I would very likely still be unworthy and unable to be with her. I'm fine with this state of affairs as long as I can be near who I love, friends are about as awesome as lovers, I still have my love for her after all. People have questioned me on this before, but I really don't need to be loved, or liked for that matter. Even if you hate me, if I can be near those I'm fond of, I'm happy. I'm even safe from hurting anyone like that. It does make it hard to help, though.