An update on my life

I haven't been posting here because there was nothing I wanted to post forever. I don't know why that is.

This summer has been isolating, I never see my friends, I just sleep and do work for the most part. I don't know how I feel about it. I do know that I want to get away from my family.I don't hate them, but being around them is tiring, I don't like it. I'm going to start forcing myself to eat because I've only been having a few granola bars a day for the last couple weeks really. I'm about as tanned as I've ever been from the hours of yardwork my parents have had me do (still not very tanned though). Before I got my job at Walmart I had to apply at around 90 different places. I got a lot better at seeming friendly, doing interviews, and wearing that damn smile all the time. I even had to chop off most of my hair to make myself look more professional. It looks too neat, too un-me. I was relieved as anything when I was hired at Walmart because I could fulfil my obligation to pay my share of the rent, and pay my mom back the money for the deposit. It's actually an a pretty good workplace atmosphere, the people are good. But for the last week I've pretty much been working free because I needed to take a cab in and out of town. Which comes to 42 bucks a day. But I did get to talk to the cab drivers, two of which were in a large amount of debt and pretty desperate. Why is it that when I talk to someone one on one the conversation always so quickly turns to their problems? Sometimes talking about that stuff is good, but I don't seem to be very good at just hanging out and having fun except with my highschool friends. Last night I didn't call the cab for an hour or so after work. If I didn't need to worry about taking care of the dogs, I probably would have found a bench and stayed in Saint John. The night air was nice, and I talked to a parking lot sweeper guy for a while. I switched depression meds recently, and they seem to work better, it's easier to function and I have more energy. My mom keeps telling people that things have really improved and that I'm happy. I don't think I'll tell her that I never stopped wishing I was dead. If I haven't mentioned this before, that doesn't mean I'm going to commit suicide. I'm stuck living and will try to make the best of it. I just wish I wasn't stuck with it. Music is awesome. Other stuff I no longer have the brain capacity orwill to talk about.