The funeral of my grandfather has left me thinking about death, and what should happen to the remains of my life whenever I die. This is probably worth just about nothing legally, but in the event of my death I want it to be a guideline for what should happen.
1. Possessions: they do not matter. Let my friends and family take whatever they wish, and either give away or throw out the rest. In the event of conflict, give the item to whomever has less from me, or by use of the Big Bang Theory version of rock paper scissors. I will be disappointed if this doesn't happen at least once. I do not wish anything to be left with my body.
2. Disposal of the body: If an awesome thing like mummifying my body cannot be achieved, spare the expense. Do whatever is cheapest, donating my body to science would be cool. If people wish to look at my body, you can spend the money and pretty it up. If no one cares either way, don’t bother and just have a closed casket. I don’t know if I’m marked down as an organ donor, I can’t remember. I wish to be one if they can be salvaged.
3. Religious service: I understand that such a thing can make people left behind feel better, however I find this flies in the face of just about everything I believe. I wish for no service, and I would ask that you not pray for me. I’m afraid also, that my death must be our final parting, no matter what the truth of the universe may be. A life lived however you want for a short time, and then infinite ending is a much more romantic concept for me than eternal life. It’s more meaningful. If there exists a reasonable god, he will grant me the oblivion after life that I desire. If God is not reasonable, then I still will not meet you; either I will be sent to a less pleasant place, or I will tear that place down. I’m happy with this lot, although I regret I probably won’t get to say goodbye to any of you. If it ever happens, remember I care about all of you and that you made my life a life fully worth living.
4. Circumstances of death: In the event of death that isn’t totally blameless, I do not wish whoever caused it to feel guilty or be prosecuted. The law is more powerful than my word, but if I am killed I would like this will to be presented as evidence for the suspect. If nothing else, switch the charge to assisted suicide, as I’m essentially granting permission in this writing. If I’m dead vengeance doesn’t matter anymore, grant me one last Anarchist laugh. Everyone dies eventually, it’s no big deal. If there was an accident, really don’t feel bad.
A. Exception to the above: In the event that my death is the result of major negligence or law avoidance by a corporation or some such, my values of relative morality no longer apply and I would wish the world improved by their prosecution, unless you all deem it is too troublesome.
5. Secular funeral: I would wish only the absolute truth spoken of me, please ditch the rose-tinted glasses. Anyone who wants to come can.
6. A final goodbye: A message from me to be kept in mind should I die. “I would ask that you just forget about me, I’m not worth crying over. Somehow though, I just don’t think that would work. Goodbye, I’m sorry I’ve made you sad by dying before you. I love you all.” This should be spoken. This will in its entirety should be made available.
So, what do you think?
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